Reconciliation
by eorocks
Summary: Things haven't been the same since Olivia got back from Oregon, and they both wish they could just get back to the way things were...or move forward.


AN: This is my 40th story for SVU, and I can't believe it. I know some are just one-shots and some are longer, but I just love writing about these two. Some people have asked about a new, longer story, and I have one kind of in the works. But I wanted to finish this one first. It's just a longer, one-shot. Light on smut (sorry). You know I always love hearing your reviews! Thanks for all your support.

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Olivia saw Elliot eyeing her as she walked back to the table. She ignored him and focused on Fin, John, Beach, and Casey…engrossed in lively discussion. Unfortunately, the only spot left at the table was the one next to Elliot. The same seat she had vacated ten minutes ago when she'd excused herself to go to the bar.

She had needed the escape. The tension had been rolling off him in waves, and she knew she wasn't doing much to lessen it. Olivia let out a sigh as she slid into her empty seat, trying to catch up on the conversation.

"I didn't take you for a cougar."

"What?" Olivia set her glass on the table, puzzled by his comment.

"I thought you liked older guys."

Olivia glanced over at him, narrowing her eyes as his meaning hit home. His tone was accusatory…condescending…and she didn't reply.

"The guy at the bar." He jerked his head towards the crowd surrounding the bar. Olivia had lingered after the bartender delivered her drink, engaged in conversation with some young guy. Elliot had watched the entire exchange, and even though the guy had initiated the interaction, Olivia had stayed. She'd been smiling…almost flirting…and it had irritated him.

Olivia took a drink of her beer, knowing she had purposefully let herself be waylaid at the bar. She had no interest in the man that had offered to buy her a drink, but she knew that Elliot would be watching her, and that it would annoy him. "I didn't know I couldn't talk to other people."

She knew she was being a bitch, but he was being an ass. When she had been in Oregon, she thought she had sorted her feelings out, but when she returned, she'd lost her resolve to clear the air between them…to sort through the emotional turmoil she had left behind when the opportunity to escape had presented itself.

Her resolve had faltered when she saw another woman sitting at her desk. It had dissipated completely when she saw Elliot talking to her…completely at ease and seemingly happy with his new partner.

She hadn't known his status with Kathy, but she'd had a horrible feeling that this new partner of was putting any chance of reconciliation at risk. It pissed her off. He'd kept the boundaries between them so clearly defined…leaving her in permanent limbo…but apparently the same rules hadn't applied to the blonde sitting across from him.

It was the very reason she'd taken a few extra weeks…almost a month…before she'd gone back to work. She'd needed some time to rethink her plans. She had ultimately decided that she couldn't leave her job, or Elliot, and she had to bury her feelings. Elliot wasn't meant for her.

But she was still angry. And she wasn't surprised to find out that he was angry too. And they hadn't been able to get past it in the two weeks since she'd been back.

She wondered if they ever would.

"I thought you came to talk to _us_." Elliot nodded his heads toward the rest of the squad, which was thankfully ignoring he and Olivia. "Not to pick up men."

Olivia couldn't believe the barbs coming from him, and it made her angry. "I didn't have to come at all tonight." She didn't know why she had let Elliot and the others talk her into it. She set her glass down hard, spilling some of the amber liquid inside. "Maybe this was a mistake." She started to slide out of her chair, when she felt Elliot's hand on her arm. She turned back to look at him, and she saw a look on his face that he'd worn every day since she had walked into the squad room.

A mixture of anger, pain and regret. She imagined she wore the same expression on her face.

"Don't go." Elliot said with a sigh.

He didn't mean to piss her off. He just couldn't seem to help himself.

He remembered the day she had walked into the room…in the middle of an interview with a witness. It was as if time had stopped. He had been so shocked to see her walk through the door. His first thought had been that she looked amazing.

Her hair had been different. It had been pulled into a ponytail, and bangs framed her face. She looked like she had gained a little weight, but the curves looked good on her. Her skin was darker…kissed by the sun. He could almost see the effects of fresh air and sunshine.

He wondered if she had always been so stunningly beautiful…

It had taken everything in him not to jump up and run over to her. He wanted to fold her in his arms and tell her how much he had missed her. He wanted to ask her where she'd been…what she'd been doing…if she was okay. He wanted to tell her how much he had worried, and then tell her it didn't matter…because she had come back to him.

But the moment was lost, as she had rambled about the need for someone to handle him. For whatever reason, that set the tone for the rest of the case…the next few days. They had worked side by side, but there was an air of uncertainty and lapses of uncomfortable silence.

And then he had found out that she'd been home for weeks without telling him.

That fact had only added fuel to the anger already brimming beneath the surface. The pain of her leaving him. Again.

He wondered if things would have been different if he had acted on his first instinct…when he'd first seen her walk through the door.

He looked at Olivia and saw a look of uncertainty on her face. He slid his hand from her arm and started mopping up the spilled beer with a napkin. He saw movement in his peripheral vision, and seconds later, Casey had rounded the table. He watched as she wrapped her arm around Olivia's waist.

"How come Stabler's hogging all your time?" Casey asked, starting to pull Olivia away. "I've barely seen you since you've been back. We have a lot to catch up on."

Elliot watched as Casey led Olivia to the other end of the table, and he was thankful to her. He really wanted Olivia to stay.

He wished they could start over…that they could both get past the anger.

But he knew that was easy to say but hard to do.

For some reason, it had always been easier for them to fight than to be honest with each other.

Elliot put the glass of beer to his lips, and drained half of it. He saw Munch lean in towards him. "I finally figured out what you and Olivia remind me of…" He said.

Elliot raised his eyebrows, not really caring what Munch had to say, but trying not to be rude.

"Little boys and little girls in primary school." John said with a grin. "Seems like boys were always the meanest to the girls they liked."

Elliot was surprised John had said anything. He knew everyone had always had their suspicions, but he thought that was probably true of almost every male-female partnership. "I don't know what you're talking about."

John laughed. "Neither one of you are as good at hiding it as you think you are." John said. "We're not stupid. Or blind." He leaned back again. "We _are_ detectives you know." He grinned. "Some of New York's finest."

"Thanks for your insight John." Elliot said. "But I didn't really ask for your advice."

"I'm just sayin'…"

"I think I'm doing just fine." Elliot said.

Munch glanced down to the other end of the table, to where Olivia and Casey were huddled in conversation. He looked back at Elliot. "You sure about that?"

Olivia looked up and saw Elliot and Munch staring at her, and she wondered if they were talking about her. She had to assume they were. Casey was just bending her ear about the tension between she and Elliot, and she realized she hadn't really thought about how the strain between them impacted everyone else.

"It seems like things between you two haven't gotten back to normal." Casey said.

"What's normal?" Olivia said with a small laugh. She didn't even know anymore.

"It's just…" Casey started. "I thought, when you came back…"

"What?" Olivia asked, when Casey hesitated. She set down her glass and turned to look pointedly at Casey. "You thought what?"

Casey shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. I thought that maybe things would be different."

Olivia didn't know what she'd expected to hear from Casey. It wasn't as if she'd expected Elliot to open up to her or any of the team during her absence.

"Yeah…well." Olivia picked up her glass and took another drink.

Casey didn't seem deterred by Olivia's feigned indifference. "I thought Elliot was going to go out of his mind when he found out you had gone undercover." Casey said. "He couldn't believe you had left without a word…"

"That wasn't intentional. It's just what happened." Olivia snapped. She softened her tone, trying to explain. "The opportunity presented itself and I didn't have time to even think about it."

"We know that now, but we didn't know it then." Casey continued. "He didn't know where you were or what you were doing, and it was killing him."

Olivia took a sip of her beer. "He seemed just fine to me."

Casey laughed. "And when was that?"

"When I got back. I saw him…with his new partner." Olivia drained her beer. "They seemed to be getting along quite well." The image of Elliot walking up to the blonde, the way he had touched her shoulder, the smiles and laughter, were burned into her memory. It had been a like a slap in the face.

Casey put a hand on her arm. "Liv…I don't know what you think you saw, but Elliot was miserable. He kept asking where you were and how to get in contact with you. But he couldn't get any information. As time went on, he had to try to get along with her. Especially after what happened after the last time you left." She leaned in. "He didn't know when…or if…you were even coming back. And each day that went by…" Casey shook her head. "Not hearing from you and not knowing if you were safe…it was tearing him apart."

"You don't know that." Olivia said. She would like to believe every word Casey said, but she'd seen it with her own eyes.

"Olivia…" Casey said, her tone weighted with impatience. "I was here. I saw it." She paused, but then continued, pushing forward. "I've worked with the two of you for a long time." She nodded her head towards the others arranged around the table. "We all have." She stared directly into Olivia's eyes. "And as much of a pain in the ass as Elliot is sometimes…he's unbearable without you."

Olivia glanced across the table, and saw Elliot look away quickly. He toyed with his empty beer bottle, and she wondered what was going through his mind right now.

Casey knocked her with her elbow. "Just go talk to him."

Olivia considered what Casey had said, as she refocused her attention back on her glass. She shook her head as she looked back at Casey. "And say what?" She said quietly…almost to herself.

Casey let out a heavy sigh. "I can't tell you what to say. I just know that the two of you can't go on like this." She leaned in slightly towards Olivia. "But I would strongly suggest that for once…you guys cut the bullshit and just start being honest with each other."

Elliot kept stealing glances over at Olivia. She and Casey were deep in conversation, and Elliot wished he could hear what they were saying. He knew that Olivia and Casey were friends, but he wasn't sure how much Olivia actually divulged to her. He always had the impression that Olivia didn't engage in much girl talk, preferring to play everything pretty close to the vest. However, the way Olivia was throwing surreptitious glances in his direction, he figured he must be the subject of some of their discussion.

He saw Olivia break away, and his eyes followed her as she headed towards the bathrooms. He fought the urge to follow her and re-engaged in the conversation at the table. He watched for her in his peripheral vision, and he wondered if she'd come back to the table and make some excuse to leave.

He hoped she'd stay.

Elliot let out a sigh. He knew that he had a role to play in this. That if he wanted her to stay, he needed to say something. Anything.

He had to do something to break the tension between them.

If he didn't, he was afraid he would lose her forever.

At that very moment, he saw Olivia emerge from the small hallway that led to the bathrooms. He wracked his brain for what to say to her. He had to get her away from here if they had any hope of talking at all, but she didn't think she'd agree to leave with him. He was almost desperate as he knew he only had a minute before she reached the table, and if she said she was leaving…

All thoughts left his head when he saw the young man from the bar appear out of nowhere and stop Olivia in her tracks. Elliot saw her give him a small smile as he crowded her, until she had no choice but to take a few steps backwards. Her back was to the wall, and he saw the man brace his arm against the wall, next to her head. Elliot's muscles tensed, ready to spring into action, but he paused before he jumped out of his seat.

For a second, his anger spiked…but then he told himself to name it for what it was.

Jealousy.

He thought of Olivia as his.

Unequivocally. Undeniably.

His.

Elliot slid off his stool and headed in her direction. He had no idea what he was going to say, and he slowed a bit, watching as she talked to the unnamed man. Her attention was focused on him, and she didn't see Elliot coming towards them. In the next instant, he saw a flash of anger on Olivia's face, and watched as she slapped his arm away. The guy must have been a little drunk, and he stumbled backwards, watching as Olivia walked away. To his credit, he didn't try to follow her, and Olivia turned to face him as she started to walk back towards the table.

Elliot saw the startled expression on her face as she nearly ran into him and she stopped suddenly, putting out a hand as if to steady herself. Elliot took her hand and held it as he looked behind her to the guy she'd left behind. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Olivia said, almost breathlessly.

"That guy bothering you?"

"I can take care of myself." Olivia said, focused on the fact that Elliot was holding her hands in his.

"I didn't say you couldn't." Elliot said, and he could hear the annoyance in his tone. He let out a deep breath. This wasn't the path to reconciliation. "I wasn't coming to your rescue or anything."

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "Oh yeah?" This was the same guy Elliot had been giving her grief about earlier, and she didn't believe him for a minute.

Elliot could hear the disbelief in her voice. "I was just…" He tried to think of a believable excuse, but he knew she would be able to smell his bullshit a mile away. He thought that maybe…just maybe…it was time to try a little honestly. "Actually…" He tugged her hand slightly, forcing her to take a small step forward. "I was waiting for you to come back to the table because I thought…" He paused, realizing this was a lot harder than he thought it would be. He stared back down at her, and he saw the question in her eyes. "Do you want to get out of here?"

Olivia hadn't known what to expect, but the moment the words were out of his mouth, she realized that it was exactly what she had hoped he would say. "Yes." She answered before she even realized it, and she saw the look of relief on Elliot's face. "Where?"

"Anywhere." Elliot said quickly, relieved that she hadn't just expected him to drop her at her apartment. "Someplace we can talk."

Olivia gave him a small smile and nodded. "Talking would be good." She realized Elliot was holding his hand to her chest, and she could feel his heart beating. Her own heart was thumping wildly, even though he'd done nothing to make her feel so off-center, and then she realized that each beat was in sync with her own. It gave her courage. "OK." She whispered.

Elliot wasn't sure what was going on, but he saw something in her eyes…something that told him they were on the same page. She was as ready for this battle of wills to end as much as he was, and the thought made him smile. He looked over at the table they'd been sitting at minutes ago and was happy to see that no one had noticed that they were talking a just twenty feet away. "Let's go out the back door."

Olivia glanced back towards their table, but Elliot didn't wait for her to answer. He headed back down the hallways towards the bathrooms, tugging her behind him as he held on to her hand. When they were out of sight of their coworkers, he stopped and waited for her to catch up, and then motioned for her to go ahead of him. He dropped her hand then, and she felt a pang of disappointment, until she felt the palm of his hand settle lightly in the small of her back.

Olivia pushed open the back door and was greeted by the smell of cigarette smoke and the sound of muffled conversations as people stood around smoking in the narrow alley. Elliot guided her to the left, maneuvering them around the small groups of people, until they were alone.

Elliot stopped, glancing out towards the main street, about fifty feet away. He looked back at her, and saw she was looking at him expectantly. He wanted someplace private to talk, but now that he had decided to finally be honest with her, he felt like he couldn't wait another minute. But before he could say anything, he heard Olivia whisper his name as she placed the palm of her hand on his chest. Her eyes were focused on her own hand, and Elliot could feel the rough brick as his shoulders grazed the wall behind him.

"I need to tell you something." Olivia whispered. She wasn't sure if the darkness was making her brave, or if she was just so damned tired of this game they'd been playing…but the time was now.

Olivia eyes flicked up to his and she watched as Elliot brushed the hair back from her face. He tucked it behind her ear and ran his fingers along her jaw. He tilted her head up towards his, and Olivia's heart skipped a beat as he pressed his lips to hers.

Elliot could taste the beer on her lips, along with a small hint of something sweet, and somehow, the kiss felt natural, as if he'd been kissing her for years. He felt Olivia clutching the front of his shirt, and he tilted his head as he deepened the kiss. He heard a small moan, and he didn't know if it was from him or her, but a singular thought was running through his head.

 _He was kissing Olivia, and she was kissing him back._

This was something that had only happened in his dreams, when he'd lost his struggle at keeping his base thoughts about his partner where they belonged. But this was so much better than he had ever imagined.

Olivia's mouth hummed against Elliot's…his lips were slightly rough, but the kiss was unbelievably soft.

Restrained.

Elliot was holding back, and she shivered at the thought what it would be like if he ever let go. She imagined things would be wild…untamed. It made her want to find out.

Elliot pulled his mouth from hers, and there was an apology on his lips. "I'm sorry…I…"

Olivia leaned up on her toes and kissed him quickly, swallowing his words. She ghosted her mouth over his. "Don't." She didn't want to hear apologies or regrets. After all these years, Elliot had finally kissed her, and she didn't want to go backwards now. "I've wanted you to for a long time…" Olivia realized that maybe she'd divulged too much. "I mean…"

Elliot ran his hands down to her shoulders and pushed her back slightly, so he could look into her eyes. "Liv." He interrupted, sensing she wasn't comfortable opening up. "When I saw you…that day you came back…" His eyes moved back and forth between hers. "The only thing I could think about was rushing across the room and wrapping my arms around you." He pulled her back into his body and buried his face in her hair as he folded his arms around her. "I missed you so much."

Olivia slid her arms around Elliot's waist. She was having a hard time believing this was real. She lifted her head and whispered in his ear. "I missed you too." She hesitated a moment, unsure about what she wanted to say next. But Elliot was being honest with her, and she needed to do the same. "I thought about you a lot while I was in Oregon…" She drew in a deep breath. "I told myself that when I came back, I was going to tell you…" She stopped there, unable to say the words.

Elliot dipped his head, placing a small kiss on her temple. He could barely believe Olivia was talking to him so frankly; he knew how hard this was for her. Because it was the same for him. "You don't have to say it." He whispered against her skin. "Because I know." He ran his hand up her back and he felt her shudder. "I feel the same way."

Olivia felt this amazing surge of relief pouring through her body. She had thought…but she hadn't known…and hearing him admit that he shared the same feelings she did was suddenly overwhelming. The floodgates opened up…the possibilities ahead of them seemed endless. All the dreams she'd pushed aside as unattainable were now within reach…

One kiss and a few words had unleashed something inside of her, and suddenly she wanted more. All the years of longing had built up and she ran her hands up his chest, clutching at his shirt as she grasped his lips with hers.

Elliot kissed her feverishly, recognizing the hunger in her kiss. It matched his own. He tangled his fingers in hair as he forced her mouth open with his, and he felt a jolt of electricity through his entire body when she slid her tongue between his lips. He whipped them around, pressing her against the brick wall, and he slid his right hand down to her hip. Suddenly, he wanted to touch her everywhere…trace every curve with his lips…his tongue. He moaned into her mouth, and he felt her dig her fingers into his skin.

He didn't care that they were in public…he didn't care who saw them…

His only focus was on her. The small moans escaping her mouth, the way her body was reacting to him, the way she was making him feel right now. He couldn't help but grind his hips against her, and he felt almost embarrassed by his inability to control himself. But he was too far gone.

Olivia was aching… a deep, white heat had ignited in her belly…and she just wanted him to touch her. Things were escalating quickly, and she wondered briefly if Elliot thought any less of her for making out in the alley…for the moans tripping from her mouth…and for the way she was unapologetically letting her hands roam his body.

Elliot pulled his mouth from hers and grasped her shoulders, taking a step backwards. He looked down at her. He could see the flush of her cheeks and her red lips in the ambient light. "You're so beautiful." He said reverently…the words escaping his lips the moment the thought formed in his head.

Olivia ducked her head; she wasn't used to compliments from Elliot. It seemed too real. But seconds later, Elliot's fingers were on her chin, and he lifted her face, forcing her to look at him. "Tonight…when I saw you talking to that guy…I realized that he didn't know…" Elliot shook his head. "He didn't know that you were mine." He brushed his thumb lightly against her lips. "But I was wrong Olivia." He said softly. "You…you're strong and smart and independent and beautiful…and you will never belong to anyone." He said, giving her a small smile. "But maybe…just maybe…I'll be a lucky son-of-a-bitch and you'll let me love you. Because I'm yours Liv. I have been. For a long time."

Olivia felt tears well up in her eyes. Elliot hadn't said the three little words she'd expected to hear, and yet, his outpouring of emotion was so much more. She reached up and trailed her fingers down across his cheek and jaw, and then pushed herself up on her toes to steal a kiss. "I love you." She whispered against his lips. She took his hand in hers and held their clasped hands against her heart, and she realized she was shaking. "Let's get out of here."

Elliot wrapped his arm around Olivia's waist, and they headed out into the city…to whatever waited for them…together.


End file.
